 I am not sure why but Christmas is so stressful. It appears to me to be the idea that we are always looking for a way to impress those around us with baked goods, cards and gifts. It is no secret that my husband and I have gone through our less that profitable years, as have many other people. It was in those years that we had the best Christmas Cheer.
Looking back on those times, I have been thinking about why that would be. I suppose, if there is less to spend that really takes care of the decisions of what to buy or not to buy. After enough thought, I realized what it was that made those years so special. It was the fact that the gifts we exchanged came from the heart rather than from a quick trip to the local 24-hour discount mart down the street. Those are the gifts that mean the most to me, and I have found the same with my husband and to an extent with my boys. My best Christmas Gifts are the ones that I will use for years to come and will bring fond memories to me. Some examples that come to mind are the fleece pj's my mom made for my sisters and me, or the Christmas aprons, or the socks that she knitted. I have all these gifts and treasure the idea that she took the time to make this for me - just for me. One year my husband and my boys put together the most beautiful oil lamp that sits in my dining room, that has to be probably my most treasured possession, because they did it together for me. They were thinking about me when the got the parts and assembled it.
When you hear " It is the thought that counts", when it comes to the holidays, I believe it truly is the thought that counts.
 With this project coming to a close at the end of this month, I have taken some time to evaluate the past year. It has been a year of change - in so many ways. At the beginning of this project, I said I was working on my obituary and truthfully, that has changed a little. I have realized over the course of the past year that I am not working on what other people will think of me when I am gone but rather what I will leave behind with those whom I shared my life with and loved. I do play a lot of roles - mother, wife, coach, player, co-worker, daughter, sister etc. but I have learned those roles are each an important part of who I am. I am also creative, this blog is a reminder of that, not because of venue, but because expressing myself through words and creative thought processes is a huge part of how I cope with stress, and how I understand myself and my thought processes. I don't expect to ever have a best selling novel but I have learned, the enjoyment of the process is really the reward for the work. As a woman, I think we can sometimes lose sight of who we are in pursuit of being perfect in one or more roles of our lives. I have challenged that this past year, I have done things that I was afraid of because I could fail or because it was something that adult women don't do, but I have learned, I am me and I am happiest when I am true to me, and I am much better at being a wife, mother, sister etc. when I nurture myself though mental and physical activity. A happy life is about balance. A balance of work, family and friends, but that starts with mental, physical and emotional health. I am a busy girl, but I am out smelling the roses and eating the chocolate and coloring outside the lines because I have realized that as my days pass, the roles I play with change, and the most positive way to adapt to change is through having a solid personal foundation of self-awareness.
I can't cook for a darn but I scored a goal this past Sunday playing on a woman's indoor soccer league, with my husband and my kids cheering me on. I have graduated college with 3 degrees, yet I bar tend a couple nights a week because I like seeing my neighbors and talking with them. I always have breakfast with my family before we run our separate ways and I always kiss my husband and my boys before bed and whenever we leave each other - I never end a conversation without saying I love you ( unless it is the receptionist at the dentist). I stink at little details but I am pretty good with being able to see the big picture -and I love a good challenge ( mental or physical). I found this all through the creativity of writing this blog and taking time to look at me.
I am me, and I love it!
 I think November is the perfect month for the theme of a positive attitude because it falls in line with one of my favorite holidays - Thanksgiving. I don't favor the holiday for the obvious reasons (although I'd be lying if I told you I don't enjoy the food too), but rather the whole idea of being "thankful" for what we have. A few years ago, I was sitting at my husband's grandparent’s home and I picked up a magazine and started to read about Thanksgiving Prayers. The short of the story was looking at how often people chose prayer to ask for something, or in time of trouble but the author posed the question of how often do people pray just to say thanks. The question hit home with me because I was as guilty as the next person. Now, I said dinner prayer and bedtime prayers but both of those were from memory - and lacked the personal touch. At that point, I decided that part of my bedtime ritual would be to find a few ordinary things that I was thankful for and do an quick unrehearsed thank you prayer before I fell asleep....and it changed me. I started looking for things to be thankful, and in that I realized all the gifts that I do have, even when I have a bad day. Waking up is a blessing, my kids are a blessing and the fact that they are healthy enough to argue with each other, the weather is a blessing...even when it is snowing their can beauty found in it, and I could go on forever. Truthfully, all these things were always there - I just didn't think to look and appreciate them for what they were to me. Above all, I am thankful for the ability to see the blessings and appreciate them. Everything in life will have good attributes and bad attributes - there is something to be said for looking for the blessings in each of those experiences.
Recently a friend remarked that I have the most charmed, perfect life and that nothing bad ever happened to me, and you know what....she was right, sort of. I am not bragging and my husband will tell you, we have had our share of struggles but we use them to make ourselves better and when those experiences are shared, we are able to present them to others as the positive impact that we have taken from it. I am blessed and I am thankful - and I think putting family together and taking time out of our busy lives to remember that everyone has something to be thankful for makes this, in my opinion, a very powerful holiday.
 You know, its funny what happens when you change one word. For example, the statement I "have" to go to work changes completely when you take out have and put in "get". Last night I was talking with some customers at my "night job" and when discussing my schedule, one patron ask why I have to work so much and doesn't it bother me that I "have" to be going or on the run as much as I am?
My answer, I thought, would make a great entry for the Happiness Project. I don't have to work two jobs, I don't have to be involved with my kids school, I don't have to participate in women's indoor soccer and other forms of recreational activity, I don't have to do anything - I choose to do these things. I choose to lead an active life, one that I pray will be passed along to my children when they enter adulthood. I choose to use my time doing things that make me happy. Do I get tired? Yes, sometimes but when I am tired it is because I have used up the energy and have pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do. I don't get tired because I am bored or because my lunch was too big.
At my house, I am always the last one to bed and normally the first one up. I wake up looking for something exciting and new everyday. I am happy to be able to go to work, because I know there are people out there that do anything to have a job and likewise, with everything I do, there is someone out there wishing they were able to do it - why waste the ability by not doing something that might bring me enjoyment or open my eyes to that new and exciting opportunity. Life is what you make it and I don't want to face my final days regretting the things I didn't do. I have known for a while that every minute that passes is not one I can get back so I will use it accordingly to make me a happier person.
 November is all about attitude, well, having a positive attitude. This is a topic near and dear to my heart because attitude, in my opinion, makes the person more than the the things they have, the people they know and the places they have been.
Recently, I have had the pleasure ( hint of sarcasm) of dealing with some people that are always looking for things to be wrong - and guess what, they have a lot to complain about...and it is hard to deal with for long stretches of time because it is emotionally draining....for everyone. I often wonder if they could hear themselves through someone else's ears, what would they think?
Then, there is one of my favorite people to be around in the entire world, my sister. She got pregnant when she was 16, she did get her GED later. She has 5 kids and has been married and divorced, she remains friends with her ex-husband because her kids are more important than any issues she has with him. She has buried stillborn twin babies, but it didn't stop her from having a family. She has lived well below the poverty line for her entire adult life, but to talk to her you'd never know it. She was poster child for anything that can go wrong - will go wrong.
But, she is all positive attitude!
She never blamed her problems on others or on circumstances, and she is never defeated. Recently, her daughter got sick and was hospitalized with asthma for a week or so, less then 2 weeks after that ordeal her home burned and everything that was in it was lost. 'When I asked her how she was coping with "everything" her response was " I am fine. We are all safe, the only we lost was stuff, this is just an opportunity for us to try something new." She finds happiness and contentment in the simple things like the extra time she has with her family because she is not working around the clock to buy them things to replace her being there. Another example is home cooked meals, because she can teach them to cook for a week for less than it would cost for her take them all out for one meal. She loves life, and her kids are a true reflection of that, they see the bright side - always!
I am learning, if she can smile and bounce through her day after everything she has overcome, there is no reason I shouldn't do the same. I love the lessons that can be taught from a teacher that has nothing more than experience to give!!
 This past weekend, my husband and I coached a boys team in a soccer tournament. This is nothing unusual, as a matter of fact, we have been doing this together for a few months. This tournament was a little different for us though. When we decided to go to the tournament, only half of our normal team was available to go, so we improvised. There was another team that we had played against at the beginning of the season who was having the same problem, so we merged teams. The kids officially met for the first time on Friday night with their first game the next afternoon. That practice was quiet to say the least.
The kids met again the next afternoon before their game and they practiced one more time before they took the field however they stayed in their respective groups ( our team and their team) and then they played....and they won. After the first game, they started showing up in mixed groups. Throughout the weekend, they became more and more mixed until Sunday afternoon they were one big group, inseparable, and they took the championship in our division, but that is not the only thing they took away from the weekend. When I asked my son what was the best part of the weekend, he surprised me with his response. He said " I made new friends", a sentiment that I found was shared with another parent by her son as well. .
I guessI took a lot away from the weekend as well. Friends come from all sorts of places and when you are competing against someone, it means you already have something in common. This is a great place to start when you are looking for new friends. Next season, boys will be out there playing against one another again, but they will continue to hang out as friends.
 Well, I am back from the great abyss that I call life. When the pre-school schedule hit my house in the middle of August, this project had to take a back seat to preparing a freshmen for school and getting all those "others" started for the school year. In the time I was away, I put back on my PTO hat, started working as a soccer coach for my 12 year old son and started referreeing the sport along side my amazing husband ( this is his favorite form of exercise).
I thought the beginning of October would be a great time to come back because Woman's Day is looking at the happiness that is brought to us in the way of friends. As I have expressed before, I would not be where I am today without my friends. They are ALWAYS there at the drop of a dime to help me out or to bring me back to reality. I trust them more than I trust myself on occassion because I know that they know me and what is best for me in the long run....its because of them that I am back here.
My friends and I have shared interests and when we come together there is always something....or in our case, lots of somethings to talk about. We get together as just the girls, and as couples and as families. This past April we went to Florida on Spring Break together in 2 - 18 passenger vans for a week. The youngest was 4 at the time and the oldest, well, lets just say old enough. We celebrated a holiday as a family and made memories that will not soon be forgotten by us or our families.
Friends, are family that you choose. In my opinion, there is no replacement for a good friend or two...or three.
 With the arrival of August, summer is coming to a close at our house. In many ways, this is a welcomed event for me personally as I thrive on structure, but the kids.....not so much. This year, I have really embraced the opportunities that come with the summer months. It feels like a certain growth happens in the summer months that we are so busy we miss during the "school year". My oldest son has gone from a middle schooler to a high schooler this year and at the same time my youngest has moved from elementary school to being a junior high student. I will miss the youthful anticipation of the first day of school this year but in the same token I will be sending my young men off to school. Some of my best memories of firsts happened during the summer months of my life and I hope for the same experience for my boys. The freedom of no bedtimes and time at the pool and just riding bikes till sunset - the freedom to just exist. There is a simplicity that can only be felt in the summer months. To this day, I sit and reminiscence about those days past that I was the one sitting at the pool, eating bread sticks from the local pizza shop for 2 out of 3 meals and just enjoying my youth. For that little spark in time It was all about me and I know now, having that time was an important stepping stone to me be a happy adult. This past weekend, I sat in a chair by the river and watched the young adults out on the boats and walking/riding bikes on the path and was able to smile remembering what it was like to have the summer and a reminder of how important it is to keep my boys out there making memories of their own. The time goes by too fast. Memories are made by living life, and in my opinion, that happens best during the summertime.
 We as a family have always made a point to have an annual family trip to somewhere that we have not visited before. Upon return, we mark a large classroom size map we have hanging with a pin to the location that we visited and the year the trip was made. This is a reminder to us as a family that we have been places and had experiences together outside of the ones at home. I for one, love seeing and experiencing new things. When the boys were little it was an adventure to just set up a tent and camp like that, then as time progressed and our ability to travel farther increased we moved to vacations that allowed us to travel by plane and recently by cruise ship. These were definitely memorable experiences, however, we were introduced to a new vacation agenda last year - mission trips, or working vacations. This is a great concept for families that enjoy working together and are interested in low cost vacation ideas. Last year, for the same price it cost us to go to Disney World for a week, my husband and oldest son went to Brazil for two weeks to help build a church, and what they gained from the experience was so much more than even what the congregation gained. They learned a new culture, they worked along side Brazilian people and saw a side of the world that they would not have seen had we gone there as tourists. It gave them a sense of accomplishment and the reality of how good we have it here at home. Next week, my husband and younger son are going on their first mission trip to Kentucky as a trial run for a trip out of the states next year. We as a family have decided to start giving one week a year to these "working vacations" as a way to strengthen our family bonds and do something for others. For information on volunteer opportunities at home and around the globe, check out www.thevolunteerfamily.org
 Well,
after six months with the Happiness Project, I think that Deb has the right
idea (she has a lot of
"right ideas"). I think it is important to look at what I have
learned through this project as well (Deb, I hope you don't mind). I
wasn't sure I was going to be able to commit to a weekly submission for an
entire year and I am amazed that I have come this far already without falling
off the wagon. I feel this project has been a great thing for me and
finding time to think about me and make time for me.
1. What if anything is different when it
comes to happiness?
Happiness is more than a state of mind. Happiness is a
lifestyle choice. I chose to be happy where I am and with whom I am.
This realization hit home just this past weekend. I had my 15 year
high school class reunion and according to all the clichés I should have been
dieting and getting done up and working on what I have accomplished up to date -
and I didn't. While at the reunion, I heard people tearing themselves
down and letting the idea of it being a "class reunion" gives them
a Cinderella complex - that for one night they had to be perfect.
I realized that I might not have the most notable job, spouse,
accomplishment or location - but darn it all, I am happy. I love my life
and wouldn't change it for something more exciting to talk about one night
every 5 years. And yes, that good life shows a bit on my hips and my
belly but life has been good to me and there is no reason to hide that.
2. What am I doing to strive for
happiness?
I am learning to be me, and accepting who
I am. I have learned that I am different than everyone else and that is
alright - sometimes that is even a bonus. I am getting to know me and to
understand me. I am learning to find the things that bring a smile to my
face at just the thought, like being with husband on a mid-week mid-afternoon
date. Or reading a book with my kids or even typing this blog. I
think self-awareness or so important when a positive light is shed on it.
3. What do I do when happiness seems
elusive?
When I have trouble finding happiness, I
ask. I ask family, I ask friends, I ask my kids' friends. I know
that all the answers aren't always going to be right out there in the open for
the taking and in my entire life I will never have all the answers to the
questions or feelings that elude me - I imagine life would be pretty boring if
that were the case. Anticipation can be one of the most exciting emotions that
we have and sometimes just knowing that can bring happiness. This
question makes me think about holiday - especially ones where gifts are
included. Many times the joy of the gift comes from not knowing exactly
what it is -the anticipation of something new is boost to the attitude, just
knowing that something different and exciting is coming, I remind myself of
this when I am eluded by happiness.
4. What areas do I need to work on
as I move into the second half of the year?
I am not sure what I need to work on - I
guess if I knew I would be working on it already :). Truthfully, I know
there are so many small parts of this whole life that can looked at an enhanced
with a change in attitude. Six months ago I would not have been able
to predict the places that I have been thus far in the project because each new
thought or new way of addressing life is just that - new to me.
I think as long as I am open minded - the places I could go are endless.
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